Much to my protestations as a writer I am making a little note for the one person who ever looks at my blog... my wife. The previous post entitled Sunset is not a suicide note, nor is is it intended to be construed as a suicide note. Rather it is a small blurb in the the tradition of Stephen King, Edger Allen Poe, or Richard Matheson or any other short story horror writer. A quick glimpse into the dark side of humanity. It IS NOT about me so just relax. There now I've said it. I feel so dirty and cheapened now, like I have no integrity as a writer. I think I am going to go kill myself! Kris
As I sit here in the sand and watch the sun crawl down the sky into a darkening pool, I wonder if their was meant to be symbolism in naming this the sunset. Like the Son of God was set into the tomb and laid beneath the ground. The light of the Earth is setting beneath the horizon and coming to rest beneath the ground. It seems right this imagery. Light brings life. Darkness symbolizes death, the darkness of the tomb. The darkness that is filling my eyes as I sit here in the sand. The life of the sun drains out in darker and darker shades of red like its blood running out causing that great light to grow pale and snuff out. Like the blood that now runs down my arms into a darkening pool. Causing my once flushed cheeks to pale, as I fall down into the sand and snuff out.
When I was thinking of a title for this post I thought what is the proper descriptor for someone who is "gay"? Is homosexual okay? Is gay? How about hetero challenged? And for that matter I think I have offended myself by referring to the name of my faith as the "Mormons." I have always been fascinated by other cultures; and by "other" I mean anything outside of the White, small town, conservative, Latter Day Saint culture I grew up surrounded by. I love to learn where people come from, what they have experienced in their lives, and why they are the way they are. I am often intrigued by people's negative experiences. For instance with racism. Growing up in Rexburg I had one Black person in my school for about one year when I was a sophomore. People outside of Rexburg might not get that. And actually there were probably less than 20 Hispanic kids in my high school when I graduated in 1992. I know there a lot more now. And with the "trend" in Mormondom of adopting kids of other races there are many more shades of color represented in the beloved halls of Madison High School.
But back to my inexperience with people different than me, I worked with a great lady at Wal-mart who was Black, and I'll tell you how I know. One day, while trying to be respectful and satisfy my curiosity at the same time, I asked if she preferred to be called African American or... she interrupted me and said "Honey I don't know about anybody else, but I'm Black." I was like okay. I totally loved her just throwing it out there, and I was proud of my self for not being so scared of being politically incorrect that I wouldn't ask. I really think that is the whole idea behind political correctness, fear. If we create a situation where people are afraid to talk to one another out of fear of being called a racist, or bigot, or whatever then we have these walls that divide us. These walls allow others for their own ulterior motives to control the actions of others. It is really a great tool for a minority group of thought to control a majority of people.
Now before I met certain members of Eliza's family I had never met anyone who actually gay. I have had my suspicions of people I knew, but Eliza would tell you I think everyone is gay (I am usually right), but to actually meet, talk to, and interact with someone that is gay was a completely new experience to me. And to the hick town farm kid I must admit it was intimidating. Why? I don't really know. Fear, that I might be politically incorrect? Its possible. I have to admit to my own shame, that there have probably said things that would have been hurtful that I have let slip. Not intentionally hurtful things, or crude name calling, or anything like that but just statements that would be considered insensitive. I know that I don't want to hurt anyone, not out of fear, but out of love. I don't fear someone thinking I'm a hate monger because I'm a Mormon, I fear someone thinking I wouldn't love them as a child of God because they were "different" from me. I have a much bigger fear of my Heavenly Father asking me why I didn't love a brother or sister when I could have, than I have of some politically correct "enlightened" person holding judgement over me because I am not marching in their parade. I don't recall anyone marching in support of the polygamous families in Texas a few months back when their "families" and "civil rights" were being infringed on. I don't see these people who are now calling Mormons gay haters speaking out against honor killings as women in arranged marriages are killed for alleged disgrace to their "families."
So for me, someone trying to understand others cultures and points of view, I would ask please try to understand mine. I don't hate anyone who is different than me. I may not agree with you either, but I still love you. I would say don't hate me for following the dictates of my heart, and the teachings of my faith. My faith does teach that marriage is ordained of God to be between a man and a woman. It also teaches that I should love all as Jesus has loved me. Jesus loved me perfectly because He is perfect. He loves me in spite of my imperfections, my differences from Him. I hope that you will love me in spite of my differences from you and my imperfections just as I will love you despite your differences from me. So I would say that despite all you see or hear in the media, Mormons do not hate gays. In fact if we are striving to live by the tenets of our religion we will feel quite differently, in our imperfect way, we will love you!
Hi, I started this blog as an outlet for some of my rants and raves, I hope you can read with objectivity and enjoy what you read. PLEASE, feel free to leave me your feedback! I mean how do I know who's voodoo doll to stick otherwise???